2 – The Podracing One… Anime-Style
As pointless at Episode I’s podrace was, there is no denying it made for a high-octane cinematic spectacle. The frantic, death-laden nature of the event that gave rise to Anakin Skywalker would be the ideal setting for a colourful, seizure-inducing anime in the style of 2004’s Dead Leaves, where races would take on Mad Max levels of grandiose violence and absurdity. We would witness multiple planetary circuits; ranging from snow and ice, to steaming jungle, to banned “live traffic” races in the streets and skies of Coruscant, risked only by the wildest mavericks the galaxy has to offer.
Behind the wheel, the story of a rookie female racer (only the second human to ever race, but definitely not a Jedi) trying to negotiate the seedy world of this male-dominated death sport would unfold. As she progresses through the ranks, defying the off-track jokes, threats of sexual assault and on-track attempts to murder her at every turn, we learn more about the world of podracing. Shady gambling, performance-enhancing drugs and connections to organized crime are the bread and butter of an industry filled with borderline suicidal adrenaline junkies with little to live for.
Eventually the climax would arrive; an endurance race designed to be won by the last man standing. A race to the death. And our girl has no choice but to compete…
Click on Page 2 to see our top three choices!
3 – The Trippy Post-Apocalyptic One
What if the war amongst the stars turned biological? Or chemical? None of this ability to destroy a planet nonsense, just the good old fashioned releasing of toxic substances. Only in this case, said substances would not merely infiltrate a single planet, but the entire galaxy (we can do that; this is Star Wars). The major technological component impacted would be hyperdrive engines. Remember when Queen Amidala’s ship lost its ability to jump to light speed? At some point that happens to every ship. Subsequently, the only way to move from planet to planet is by conventional space flight, which soon proves deadly due to the distances involved and the deadly toxins still floating throughout space.
When one such flight crash lands on a desert planet – one of many cut off from the rest of the galaxy – our surviving lead characters stumble into a post-apocalyptic Star Wars neo-western. What they find is a paranoid Mos Eisley on steroids, where gunslingers and outlaws roam, and the only source of energy is a strange beam-emitting tool, the origin of which is unknown to our characters, giving us a clue as to how far into the future this particular timeline is. The long dead creators of said tool are worshipped as gods by certain inhabitants, while others doubt their existence.
Who knows what happens as the series unfolds, but as mysterious signs of life faintly flicker over the radio from far, far away, before seeming to gradually creep closer and closer, the only logical direction is a trippy exploration of space and time inside the mind, where all the answers will be revealed…
4 – The One For The Action Fanboys
Go on then, time to stop being weird and get down to business. Seeing as Iko Uwais (of The Raid fame) and his stunt team were completely wasted during their pointless cameo in what was probably Episode VII’s worst scene, it is only fair they should get their own Star Wars television vehicle to make up for it. That’s right, The Raid in space is happening; six 20 minute episodes that can later be cut together to form a non-stop two-hour fight fest.
And yes, Iko will be a Jedi. A mute Jedi who has abandoned the “peaceful” ways of the Order and is on a violent Kill Bill-style quest for vengeance. The lightsaber and use of the force will be present and correct, but in true penack silat style there will also be an abundance of punches, kicks, knees, and elbows.
Like The Raid, Iko would face a variety of challenges; ranging from battles with small armies of stormtroopers to one on one duels with tougher opponents, whether they be bounty hunters, dark side affiliates or even his own former brothers sent to bring him in or strike him down before he can do anymore damage.
His motivations develop the closer he gets to his mystical target. Who is it? Well, if Gareth Evans is reading this, hopefully it will not be long until we find out…
#5 – The Real World Crossover One
Okay, seriously, how has this not been done yet? Not some nerds on YouTube, but a full on jaunt into the “what if?” scenario of a Jedi existing alongside us here on Earth. Seeing as Disney own both Lucasfilm and Marvel these days, the idea is ripe for a straight-to-Netflix superhero origin-type story, told by way of flashbacks in tandem with the Jedi’s established, real time double life.
Is the Jedi fighting crime? Are they an assassin? Or are they simply trying to live a normal life without their powers. Maybe the lightsaber takes a few episodes to appear just to ratchet up the tension. Maybe the Jedi vowed never to use it again and keeps it in a safety deposit box. Perhaps they are on the run from gangs and governments who want to harness and weaponize the power of the force and use the lightsaber for their own devices. Is there a love story involved? Probably. Some soul searching? Definitely. A nasty twist that reveals the villain was a close family member all along?! Oh, wait –
Not to say any of this is a good idea. In fact, it would be beyond terrible. But with the fluffy studios involved and the amount of dollars on the table, how a boardroom suit has not green lit such a project is actually impressive. Perhaps the force is with humanity after all…
Think you can come up with a better idea? Share it with us in the comments section below.