Ho Ho NO! Christmas is on its way and that means it’s probably time for the office party. We thought we’d take a look at some sci-fi characters you would absolutely, one hundred percent NOT want to have at your Christmas party. These are the people you definitely want to stay as far away from your Christmas merrymaking as possible. Preferably in a galaxy a long time ago and far far away.
Darth Vader – Star Wars
The Dark Lord of the Sith is probably not a great choice for a party guest. Unable to join in with any singing, not actually capable of eating anything, and liable to force choke anyone who disagrees with him, Vader (David Prowse) is as likely to be the death of your guests as well as the party. On the other hand, if you can convince him, he can likely show you some amazing tricks with lightsabers and the force.
Kosh – Babylon 5
The Vorlon Ambassador (played by Ardwight Chamberlain) is another bad pick for a Christmas party. Trapped inside his encounter suit, he can’t partake of any refreshments, and should he ever exit it then arguments are likely to break out over which religious figure people actually saw. Oh, and he only speaks in riddles and half-sentences so unless you’re REALLY into cryptic crosswords, best to look elsewhere for guests.
The Master – Doctor Who
Few people are as charming, as charismatic, or as utterly psychotic as Gallifrey’s other rogue Timelord (most recently played by Michelle Gomez). While things might start off well with the Master charming everyone who talked to her/him, by the end of the night half the guests would probably be dead while the other half would be willing to do or say anything to further Master’s twisted plans. Probably to wipe out Christmas or take over the world or something. You might be better off skipping this name and moving on.
Gordon Shumway – ALF
Earth’s one and only resident Melmacian (voiced by Paul Fusco), he’s certainly going to keep you entertained with his sarcastic wisecracks, though the schtick might grow a little thin after a while when it becomes obvious that in truth he has all the depth of a puddle. Also, very likely to ignore any food on offer and eat your cat. Invite at your own risk.
Zaphod Beeblebrox – The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
While this one-time President of the Galaxy (played by Mark Wing-Davey in the 1981 TV adaptation) is certainly a man of the people, being both intelligent and charming, he’s also utterly untrustworthy, a liar and cheat and completely obsessed with himself so is likely to dominate any conversation and quickly turn it to how amazing he is. He also has a habit of eating with all three of his hands and making a complete mess as he does so. Still, he did invent the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster (which is, apparently, “like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick”) so he’s likely going to be able to whip up some amazing cocktails.
…and the dishonourable mentions
Londo Mollari – Babylon 5
Specifically post-season two Londo Mollari (Peter Jurasik). Where once we had a fun loving ambassador you could sit and have a drink with, hanging around with the Shadows and wiping out Narn has turned Londo into a grumpy, po-faced grinch who is likely to have you quietly murdered or your homeworld obliterated by asteroids dropped from orbit. Maybe invite G’Kar (Andreas Katsulas) instead, though you WILL need to put up with people following him around everywhere and documenting everything he says or does.
Emperor Palpatine – Star Wars
Between Vader force-choking everyone and Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid) zapping people with lightning, any party that includes these two is likely to end badly for all concerned. Palpatine is also very likely to put people off their food as he does look like he was partly melted. Also a high chance he will end conversations by quietly enacting secret orders to kill everyone at the party.