Geo = The Earth
Storm = Storm
Geostorm begins in 2019. Remember that, 2019, an unspecified time in 2019 so at most two years and two months from now. Due to a sudden increase in bad weather – and I do not mean British bad weather where a light dusting of snow or a moderate wind brings the nation to a standstill, I mean kill millions of people bad weather – 17 nations have gotten together to build some kind of global system of satellites that can control weather and stop these storms from happening.
So in this fictional universe, in two years time, we will have an international space station staffed by 600 people who work to control the weather. In two years time. From a planet that elected Donald Trump as US President, made a right pigs ear of Brexit and cannot even fix the pothole at the end of my road or get my bins collected on time. It has been 28 years and we still do not have Marty McFly’s hoverboards; what makes them think we will get this?
Anyway I digress, so Jake Lawson (Gerard Butler) is the man behind ‘Dutch Boy’ the storm defence system of satellites named after the little Dutch boy who stuck his finger in the dam. Jake Lawson, what a manly name. Just hearing the name suggests rugged, hard man who does a lot of graft and can fight. And that is exactly what Jake Lawson is, but he is also really clever and can do science. Someone hacks in to Dutch Boy to use it as a weapon for their own nefarious means., The plot involves the POTUS (Andy Garcia), his secretary of state (Ed Harris) and it is up to Lawson and his brother Max (Jim Sturgess) and his girlfriend (Abbie Cornish) to stop them and save the world.
It was co-written and directed by Dean Devlin, the man who wrote Independance Day: Resurgence and produced Independence Day and Godzilla (the one with Jamiroquai on the soundtrack), so it is clear to see he has a track record in big budget disaster blockbusters, but Geostorm really falls short. It lacks everything its counterparts like The Day After Tomorrow, San Andreas, Armageddon and 2012 has. The silly science is never explained. There are no mutating neutrinos or drilling in to asteroids here. The science is just washed over. I mean come on, at least give me some attempt at daft science.
Also, for a movie called Geostorm, there is very little storm. You get a few set pieces but the CGI actionfest expected is not really there. We get glimpses of Rio, Delhi, Dubai, Moscow and Tokyo having problems, but it never really seems that exciting. Or perhaps I was expecting the usual disaster movie depiction of something bad happening to London.
The cast don’t seem to be having fun with it either. They are just going through the motions. I mean come on, at least accept what kind of film this is and have a laugh with it, don’t just pick up your paycheck and leave the viewers disappointed. At 109 minutes, a smidge under two hours, it is not overly long and never really drags but it never has you on the edge of your seat or awestruck at the visuals.
Geostorm could have been much better; a silly, over the top big budget end of the world type movie with some impressive CGI. Instead it plays it too seriously and tries to force home a weak message about climate change, or that we are all the same so lets just get along, or some such. It kind of plods a long to its resolution and while you do not regret watching it you just kind of go home and forget about it.
Unless Storm Brian is blowing a hoolie on the drive home.