Scream takes Manhattan, people sorta like dinosaurs, Champions sinks a negligible buzzer-beater, and Other Box Office News.
Yay, we got movies again! Consistently releasing, proper Name, movie-ass movies that people are going to see! Almost like this whole “running a film industry” thing isn’t so hard after all. Anywho, following on from last week’s franchise-best debut for a long-running series now in the middle of shaking off the legacyquel shackles to become its own thing, the top spot of our chart has been taken by another franchise-best debut for a long-running series now in the middle of shaking off the legacyquel shackles to become its own thing.
Yes, it’s Scream VI, finally back to featuring numerals at the end of its title so that chronological compilers such as myself can stop having breakdowns! The meta-slasher series, which has managed to so completely outlast the movies it was originally riffing on that I guess all it can do now is cannibalise its own tail, posted a $44.5 million total that’s both good enough for the weekend’s first-place and dethrones Scream 3’s $34.7 million back in February 2000 as the best opening for the series to date. (Unlike Creed III, this accomplishment doesn’t stand up to inflation-adjustment, but let’s not add unnecessary L’s to the conversation.)
Meanwhile, somebody in Hollywood finally listened to me and commissioned a dinosaur film with no ties to the Jurassic Park franchise! Unfortunately, 65 turned out to be the kind of movie which receives not a single pre-release screening and doesn’t share any Cinemascore statistics, but that didn’t stop people from investing hope in the premise of “Adam Driver fights dinosaurs” coming good. Third place with $12.3 million is more than most industry analysts were expecting, at least, and, hey, if it gets me more non-Jurassic Park dinosaur movies, I’ll take what I can get.
What I definitely won’t be taking any quantities of, however, are Farrelly Brother-directed dramedies condescendingly trying to atone for their past making fun of people with disabilities by crafting the glurgiest of obelisks about how “Hey, these people are just like you and I.” Following in the lead of brother Peter applying that template to racism, Bobby Farrelly brings us Champions, a movie which, much like Green Book, has opened very softly but has enough of a positive Cinemascore rating (“A”) that it may hang around for a few weeks anyway, like a barnacle of shit stuck to the underside of your shoe. For now, seventh place with $5.1 million.
READ MORE: Godzilla vs Megalon – Throwback 50
Time for the below-deck speed-round. Another week, another corny faith-based drama about a former sinner learning to repent their ways through the power of prayer and excessively soft-focused photography. This one arrives under the name Southern Gospel, is about a former rock-and-roller making a late-in-life conversion to preaching, and, unfortunately for it, failed to account for Jesus Revolution, a movie about preachers trying to convert rock-and-rollers, still kicking about the place. As such, it was stuck playing to 600 empty bingo halls who donated a measly $138,795 for a PTA of $231.
NEON are making some noise with acclaimed Irish drama The Quiet Girl; now in its third week of release, it’s been expanded to 244 theatres and taking the opportunity to sniff the borders of the chart proper with an eleventh-place $437,395 haul. Finally, *clears throat in order to savour the moment*, the ACADEMY AWARD-WINNING BEST PICTURE Everything Everywhere All at Once crests the one-year theatrical anniversary mark by experiencing yet another Oscar bump of $350,683; good enough for twelfth.
JIMMY KIMMEL! It is ON SIGHT WITH YOUR BITCH ASS for the Babylon slander and 10,000 slap “jokes” of ever-decreasing “comedy!” Meantime, here’s a Full List.
US Box Office Results: Friday 10th March 2023 – Sunday 12th March 2023
1] Scream VI
$44,500,000 / NEW
I’m being genuine with my questions regarding the state of Scream, by the way. I saw a tweet over the weekend from somebody who made that observation of there not really being any straight slasher movies anymore in the mainstream, and it has set my mind whirring as somebody who obviously will not be watching Scream VI in the cinema. Like, does this generation even fully understand the tropes and cliches the Scream series is lampshading? Does the series now just lampshade itself forever instead? Does that become insufferable after a while? Answers on a postcard, please.
2] Creed III
$27,173,000 / $101,358,274
Good lord, Jonathan Majors! Please snuggle me tenderly in your arms and tell me that everything is going to be alright!
$12,300,000 / NEW
Will get to this in due course. For now, I am once again asking WHERE’S MY DINO CRISIS REMAKE, CAPCOM?! QUIT HOLDING OUT ON ME!
$7,000,000 / $197,978,428
I think it’s only just going to double the opening weekend when the run’s over, but I’m significantly less confident of that eventuality now than I was two weeks ago, let’s put it that way.
5] Cocaine Bear
$6,200,000 / $51,660,445
What’s more 80s than cocaine? Why, Knight Rider, of course! The TV “classic” turns 40 this year and the good folks at Turbine Media have put together a giant comprehensive Blu-ray boxset to celebrate. Only in Germany, naturally. Lee Thacker managed to get his hands on a copy, anyway.
6] Jesus Revolution
$5,175,000 / $39,453,451
Still not had the time yet to watch AEW Revolution. The grind refuses to cease.
$5,150,000 / NEW
On the one hand, I guess I should be glad that another comedy is making just-barely passable money on its opening weekend, after a long string of immediate DOA flops. On the other hand, somebody needs to stop the Farrelly Brothers before either one of them kills again.
$2,700,000 / $674,697l185
Just one year where you don’t disrespectfully play off or insult the VFX teams, Oscars. That’s the bare minimum I and they ask of you.
9] Puss in Boots: The Last Wish
$1,650,000 / $179,626,905
Ah, shit; I’ve just seen that the Babylon soundtrack is getting a physical release next month. I can’t spare the £45, I can’t spare the £45, I can’t spare the £45, I can’t spare the £45, I can’t spare the £45…
10] Operation Fortune: Rose de Guerre
$1,280,000 / $5,562,863
Fare thee well, sweet prince. I’m sure Guy Ritchie’s next film will do better. Let me just take a look at the info on th-AN AMERICAN MILITARY MOVIE?!
Dropped out: Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba – To the Swordsmith Village, Magic Mike’s Last Dance, 80 for Brady