Our long (inter)national nightmare is finally over.
In the actual main event, Roman Reigns FINALLY vanquished Brock Lesnar for the Universal Championship. It wasn’t very good, it ignored the entire story of the feud up to that point, and was executed in the most cynical manipulative manner possible – sticking Braun Strowman at ringside promising to cash in on the winner in order to keep the crowd from alternately rioting and heading out to beat the traffic – but at least it’s FINALLY done. Lesnar is gone, Reigns has been crowned as the top guy, the Universal Title now gets to be featured on television and defended more than 8 times in 16 months (and not held by 50-year-olds who can’t work for more than 90 seconds before being blown up), and the match was less than 10 minutes long. It made Braun look absolutely pathetic since, based on his kayfabe feats over the past year, he should have barely staggered from the pre-emptive beatdown Brock laid upon him instead of slinking off in shame without cashing in once the match ended, but IT’S DONE! It’s FINALLY DONE! The logical ending FINALLY HAPPENED and we can now at long last all move on with our fucking lives!
So, you know, at least SummerSlam granted me that.